curtainsdown | the mark of those who cannot be saved

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act 3

the mark of those who cannot be saved

[You remember dying. Maybe the memory is clear and bright and your body still aches from the cause. Maybe it was fast enough that you didn't feel it and don't remember what you went through. But no matter how you went out, that's no excuse for truancy! Which is to say: you are still in the school.

For those executed, you will wake up in your beds. The dormitories look exactly as they did when you first arrived, without any of the changes or personal effects you and your dormmates might have made. The only real difference is that the little cot in Ambassador isn't there.

For those who were victims, you will wake where your body was discovered. All of your injuries are gone, and you feel fine. It's almost like you're still alive - but you remember what happened to you. It couldn't have just been a dream, could it?

The school looks much as you remember it, save perhaps for a few key differences. For one, there's no groundhog murals anywhere. Where things were green on the other side, like banners or paint, you'll find that here they're blood red.

The doors, for the moment, are still locked. Looks like even death couldn't free you.]

Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5

(( ooc: Welcome to deadland, everyone! It mostly resembles the school here, and new floors will be revealed after new people die. For example, the second area will unlock after the week 3 dead arrive, and so on. Also, all dead characters will wake up at their actual canonpoint, with all lost memories restored. Have fun being dead! ))

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[ She listens, quietly and intently, to every single word he says. Her face, as always, doesn’t change so it’s a little hard to tell what she might be thinking. Still though she never once interrupts or interjects.

It’s only once he’s done and apologizing to her again that a change finally happens.

She starts to cry.

A quieter, softer cry but still there are tears and she quickly tries to wipe them away. ]

I… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I had no idea…

[ No idea at all.

She had no idea what he was going through. She thought it ended at the village but…

Now she gets it. Now she gets everything. ]

Rina...hey-

[Varian leans a little closer to her, his hands held up like...like he wants to reach out for her, but he's afraid to touch her directly. She'd been avoiding that specifically before...he doesn't want to invade her space if it's not yet wanted.]

It's okay! Really, I'm- everything's okay now...I mean it's...not entirely okay, but...as long as my dad is safe, I don't care what happened to me.

[He realizes that's probably even more upsetting to say, but...he doesn't want to be dishonest with her anymore, even if the truth hurts.]

P-please don't cry...

B-But it’s not okay…! That… that stupid Wizard made you forget that it was okay!!

[ She wipes her eyes a few more times before trying to look at him again. ]

He put you through so much pain by doing that! You were hurting and I had no idea about any of this beyond what you said about your village…!

[ It makes her feel so silly now. Even now that she has all her memories back she knows that her memories come nowhere close to being this traumatizing. The closest was how she’d been forcibly reverted back to her old self and that’s just not the same. She was here dreaming about dancing on a stage while he was reliving his father being trapped in amber. ]

I should have tried harder… I should have tried harder to make it safe for you to talk about this. I’m your friend and I failed you and now we’re both…!

[ But trying harder had been what got her killed in the first place. And she knows that. She knows she logically couldn’t have done more.

But that’s just what’s so frustrating. ]

I know...I know.

[And now they're both...

Fuck. Fuck, he's starting to cry now, too. He's trying to keep it held back, but the tremor is still there in his voice anyway. He can still remember it all. The trial, the shock and horror on everyone's faces, the utter chaos that erupted as they all tried to save him from death...

And then...]

It isn't fair! Neither of us should be here...none of us should be. Things should have b-been different...

[...]

The only good thing...is that I got to meet everyone. Farrah, Salieri, Discord, Maya, Spongebob, Elsa, everyone...

You. Th...that's all that's been worth any of it-!!

[ “You.”

She hears him say that and something just… sort of clicks. Her tears begin to dry up and she does one more wipe of her eyes. ]

…But you know? I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t take back that part. For anything.

[ She looks down at her hands. Maybe this is selfish of her to admit but… ]

Even though it’s all awful and we’re dead… and the Wizard fucking sucks… I don’t think I’d want to make it all go away. I don’t know… if I’d want to erase meeting everyone. Meeting you. Maybe it’s stupid and selfish but despite everything, I don’t regret that part.

[ And then she reaches out, reaches out for one of the hands she saw him raise earlier. For a moment when she touches it she finds herself holding her breath.

…And is relieved to find that all she feels is warmth.

A feeling of safety.

She pulls his hand to her and puts it against her cheek, leaning into it as she looks at him. ]

I don’t regret… telling you how I feel.

[They're definitely on the same page in that regard. Not wanting to erase having met everyone, at least. Those experiences...they're as much a part of Varian now as the things he went through back in his own world. They've changed him, even if he now understands his life wasn't exactly as he thought he'd remembered it.

But for Rina to tell him she doesn't regret meeting him..confessing after all of this, after he'd killed her?

He finally looks completely and utterly dumbfounded. He stares back at her like he doesn't understand, even though he can feel her take his hand and hold it gently against her cheek. It almost doesn't feel real.

His hand shifts, just slightly, his thumb smoothing over the curve of her cheek as he asks himself...why?

He doesn't deserve this. Not her forgiveness, or her friendship.]

You...don't?

[Least of all does he still deserve her love.]

[ She gently shakes her head. ]

I don’t.

[ And then, suddenly feeling a little sheepish she adds: ]

…Do you?

[ “Regret anything about being with me.” ]

[......]

I don't.

[It sounds simple, but the weight it carries is clear. He moves his hand a touch, letting his fingertips brush her bangs to one side.]

I could never regret something like that. My life has only been made better by having you in it.

...that includes what came after.

[ She closes her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

She understands now what he was going through. She’s managed to work through and get rid of the initial fear she had of him. She’s not sure if she’s fully forgiven him for what happened but… does she need to? ]

These last few days I spent in my room… they were so lonely. I missed everyone else… but most of all I missed you.

[ She reopens her eyes and looks at him pleadingly. ]

Now I just… want to be held by my boyfriend.

[ She leaves the next part unspoken:

“Could you?” ]

[So for the purposes of this thread, and because Varian's basically made this car his baby working on it for the last two weeks of his life, I'm going to say it's a bench seat because it's old and crusty and it's what these two need right now, okay. It makes it less of a chore for Varian leaning over the way he is, even if he's still only just got his hand on her cheek.

She missed him. Even though she needed time alone, wanted to be alone...she still missed him.

It's as touching as it is sad, to know she was dealing with such conflicted emotions that whole time. Wanting to be alone on one hand, yet wanting to be with her boyfriend even though- at the time- she had absolutely been too scared to even look at him. His brows knit together when she asks to be held, and as a result he just...doesn't even think.

His hand shifts down from her face to rest gently at the back of her neck while his other reaches to loop around her side, his hand at the small of her back as he pulls her over from the driver's side into the passenger's. He draws her close to his chest, holding her so her head can rest against his collarbone while his chin sits atop her head, his other hand cradling the base of her skull with his fingers sifting through pink locks.

She's so warm. It's hard to believe she could even feel like this- warm, solid, alive- when they're both very much no longer living. They're dead, yet somehow still here...trapped in purgatory. But at least they're in purgatory together, he thinks as he takes a shuddering breath and wills himself not to start crying again. And as a minute, maybe two tick by, he just sits there with Rina in his arms, soaking in her presence and allowing that alone to be enough. But...it really isn't enough. There's something he regretted neglecting ever since he carried her body to that garden, having died knowing full well he'd never get the chance to otherwise.

Well. They're very dead now. There's no time like the present.

He draws back just enough so that Rina can look up at him, though he doesn't give much time for her to question why he's moved. He just takes her face in one hand again and leans down to kiss her, his lips gentle against her own. It's a little clumsy, but meaningful.

Nothing more, nothing less.]

[ She tries to get as close as possible when he pulls her in, practically climbing into his lap to be pressed against him. She can feel one of her shoes slip off in the driver’s side as she tries to readjust her legs but she doesn’t care. That doesn’t matter as much as it does to feel him, to have his arms around her.

She’s clinging to his shirt when he leans in to kiss her, her small hands tightening even more around the fabric. It catches her by surprise honestly, considering so far in this relationship she’d been the one making most of the first moves. But she welcomes it, pressing into it with a soft sound in her throat.

Sure it’s clumsy. But Varian’s clumsy and awkward. She doesn’t care - that’s just who he is. And she loves him just like that. ]

[It's strange. He thought he'd be a lot more nervous, doing this...which, make no mistake, he still is...but he's been through so much in the last few days (if days even count anymore when you're dead) that he's not sure he really cares enough to be embarrassed about things like this anymore. He's been kidnapped in a school prison for four weeks, a tenure that ended in him accidentally killing his girlfriend before being executed in front of a congregation of people he considered to be his family.

Things have kindof sucked.

And he thought he'd lost Rina forever too, both figuratively and literally...so this? This is his way of reclaiming what he thought he'd lost. Not just accepting Rina's acceptance of him- her desire to be with him again- but also making things a bit more official between them. He wished every second after her death that he'd done things differently, treated her differently, so now that they're here together in the afterlife...he isn't about to make that mistake again.

He draws back after a moment of this, a nervous laugh escaping him when the full gravity of what he'd just done finally has time to sink in.]

I, uh...hope that was okay.

[She didn't pull away from him and had actually returned it, so it seems like it was a success.

Doesn't mean he feels any less like his head is on fire from how flushed he's gotten, though.]

[ She keeps looking up at him after they part and just

Smiles

She actually smiles for the first time in days. ]

Mm. It was more than okay.

Though you surprised me a little.

Heh...I'd be more surprised if you weren't surprised.

[She's kissed his cheek before...and he's kissed hers, though he honestly doesn't know how much of that moment she cares to remember. He needed to replace it with something...nicer.

That smile makes it all worth it in the end, regardless of how nervous or awkward he feels after the fact. He doesn't regret it one bit.]

I kept wishing I'd done that before, so...

Mm. It took you a long time. I was getting a little tired of waiting.

[ She wasn't really but ehhhhh she's allowed some teasing she thinks.

She nuzzles closer and rests her head on him again. ]

But I'm glad... that you did.

[Varian legitimately doesn't know if she's kidding or not, but either way that's enough to mae his heart skip a beat. And when Rina curls up closer to him, he'll shift his hands so they're holding onto her more comfortably, keeping her close to his chest.]

Yeah...me too.

[He missed this. Missed her.]

...do...do you want to stay out here a while?

[ She nods, burying her face in his shirt. ]

Yes… please…

[ She feels her own face getting warmer, prompting her to look back up at him with bright hazel eyes. ]

Would you… mind? [ And suddenly Kanata’s words are coming to her: ] Indulging this “selfish princess”… for just a bit longer…?

[Oh no.

Oh no. God, he really doesn't feel like he deserves this. Not even a little. But...it's okay to just say "fuck it", right? They're both dead...it's not like they have room for regrets anymore.

So Varian shakes his head a little as he carefully detatches one of his hands again, mostly to free it so he can cradle the side of Rina's cheek, tracing her cheekbone with his thumb.]

I don't mind at all. It's not like I'm going anywhere...not for a while, anyway.

[Or...for forever, really.

Needless to say, Rina's getting pulled in for another kiss...one that's a bit less short than the last. The first wasn't hesitant, exactly, but it didn't linger. This one does.]

[ She was almost afraid to ask for more kisses, in case that was too much, so the fact he does so again without her having to makes her heart pound harder and her face even hotter. Carefully she lets go of his shirt and instead places her hands on his shoulders to steady herself as she kisses back.

She's the one to break from it this time, resting her forehead against his to maintain that close point of contact. She wishes she had the board right now, if just to express herself a bit more easily - though maybe it's better she didn't. Maybe it's best he see her flushed face and content eyes just as they are, without her own hand drawn interpretation.

Still though, out of habit she finds herself whispering softly: ]

Rina-chan Board says... "happy"...

[It's encouraging to see Rina not using her board, even if she's sort of forced into not using it here. She could always make another, probably...but Varian thinks he likes this better. It gives him a chance to learn her expressions, minimal though they are. He feels like he's actually starting to get a pretty good idea of what Rina is thinking, expressionless or not.

Rina's hands are on his shoulders and Varian's are on her hip and head respectively, the latte shifting its way down to rest against the side of her neck.]

I'm happy too.

[Happier than he's been since he got here, that's for sure.]

I think we'll be fine out here for a while, as long as we don't stay gone for too long. Okay?

[ She nods. ]

Okay…

[ And then tries to readjust herself so she can get more comfortable, get both of her legs up on the seat before the other one inevitably falls asleep or something-- ]

Edited 2021-07-02 23:14 (UTC)

[ And somehow without even being aware of where the steering wheel is, manages to hit it in a way to make the car horn go off. ]

Pigii--!!

[ She jumps, her other shoe flying out the still rolled down driver's window as she then immediately dives back into Varian's arms, hiding her face. ]

Ah!!

[HOLY SHIT-

The horn on this car is loud and unpleasant- it's an old clunker after all- so naturally, Varian ends up jumping out of his skin at that as much as he does at Rina suddenly screaming. That...isn't something his heart can handle hearing much, these days. He looks around quickly as if to try to uncover the source of the danger, pulling Rina even closer to his front.

...

Oh. Right. It was just the car...]

A...are you alright?

[He asks after a moment, gently putting his hand between Rina's shoulderblades.]

Don't worry...it was just the car. The horn went off.

Uuu…

[ She whimpers just a little bit, still hiding her face. Honestly it’s… mostly out of embarrassment. ]

I’m all right…

[ She looks up finally, but her eyes are off to the side. ]

That… surprised me. Sorry…

[ Though being held even closer protectively like that… that part’s nice. She’s okay with that part. ]

the mark of those who cannot be saved

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this was worth waiting 4 days for, this icon is ME RN

:3

1/3

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Fuck it I’m doing it I’m stabbing myself. Repeatedly. In the heart.

STABS YOU BACK

AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Im sorry trial is making me legit sad so I have to take out my emotions somewhere

HO WHY DO YOU THINK IM HERE RN

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