curtainsdown | the mark of those who cannot be saved

Entry tags:

act 3

the mark of those who cannot be saved

[You remember dying. Maybe the memory is clear and bright and your body still aches from the cause. Maybe it was fast enough that you didn't feel it and don't remember what you went through. But no matter how you went out, that's no excuse for truancy! Which is to say: you are still in the school.

For those executed, you will wake up in your beds. The dormitories look exactly as they did when you first arrived, without any of the changes or personal effects you and your dormmates might have made. The only real difference is that the little cot in Ambassador isn't there.

For those who were victims, you will wake where your body was discovered. All of your injuries are gone, and you feel fine. It's almost like you're still alive - but you remember what happened to you. It couldn't have just been a dream, could it?

The school looks much as you remember it, save perhaps for a few key differences. For one, there's no groundhog murals anywhere. Where things were green on the other side, like banners or paint, you'll find that here they're blood red.

The doors, for the moment, are still locked. Looks like even death couldn't free you.]

Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5

(( ooc: Welcome to deadland, everyone! It mostly resembles the school here, and new floors will be revealed after new people die. For example, the second area will unlock after the week 3 dead arrive, and so on. Also, all dead characters will wake up at their actual canonpoint, with all lost memories restored. Have fun being dead! ))

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[Discord doesn't really react to that snapped comment. He doesn't even really look Salieri's way, really, until there's that lingering silence before he continues on. The apology is unnecessary, really. Salieri has a point. It was his motive and, really, Discord should have allowed him that choice.

Should've been honest with him, at the end, about what he was thinking.

But... at the time, it didn't feel like he could afford that. Losing Salieri, just... letting him go, all on his own...? The mere idea of it makes him sick. Almost more than the memory of holding him, of blood coating his hands--]

...Yes, it was yours. But I decided otherwise. [He shrugs, smiling, maybe a little wryly.] What can I say, I'm selfish that way.

[Best at Being the Worst.

It's fine, really. He knows what he is and he's more than comfortable with it. Maybe it's the millennia of practice?]

Don't get me wrong, dying was the last thing I wanted. When you gave me that knife, using it for anything was just about the furthest thing from my mind. Let alone using it for myself.

...But if anyone there was going to die for everyone else's sakes, well. I have lived the longest out of everyone.

[Why not him, who's already lived millennia? There was no fair option in there, but this seemed... the least bad, to him, if someone was going to be lost. It couldn't be one of the kids. Never one of them. The others... Really, even the ones he had no particular attachment to, he couldn't just ask to die. Or trust them with this in the first place.

~~Even trusting Salieri with it had been a mistake.~~]

["selfish," Discord says, and there's a knee jerk reaction, a lurching in his stomach to deny it.

But...he's not wrong, is he? Not really.]

Selfish. Yes, I suppose so. But I don't think that's a bad thing on its own.

Love is selfish, after all. And selfless, at the same time, in many ways.

[and that's what had motivated Discord, partially. Probably mostly. But that's not the only point here]

Never the less, though I can see your logic, we can also agree that age has very little to do with your decision of who would take the fall for that motive.

It wasn't an insignificant factor in the decision.

[But not the only one. Not the important one. That's neither here nor there, nor is it anything he wants to talk about.]

Does the why of it all matter? The truth of it all is that I saw it, so I decided. I just... didn't want anyone else to die.

So, it had to be me. A simple process of very literal elimination.

And whatever residual guilt you were feeling from what you'd just remembered?

[he could've said it dryly, sarcastically--instead it comes out as gentle. Understanding.]

[He just stares at the door, not wanting anything even resembling eye contact right now.]

...May have made the choice a little easier.

...you didn't deserve to be the one to take that hit more than any of the other adults there, Discord. Despite age or any other factors.

[still gentle, still kind]

Maybe.

[That's debatable. He could give a thousand reasons why that's bullshit.]

But, no one else did either. What else could I do?

No "maybe"s about it.

[he shakes his head in the negative, tone still gentle]

You didn't, you just...got the envelope that wasn't yours before anyone else.

[which is Salieri's fault. Really, it's Discord's bad luck for knowing him, but of course he can't say that. This discussion isn't about him anyway, and shouldn't be. Except to point out:]

And then, when you were trying to find a solution to an unwinnable situation, you were manipulated into a far worse one.

[He wants to deny it again, but... There's not much of a point now, isn't there? He's clearly not going to be fooling Salieri. He isn't even fooling himself.

So he huffs, annoyed.]

...Fine. Maybe I was. And maybe I'm not exactly thrilled about you being here now, when I was trying to prevent exactly that.

But it's a little late to be regretting that now.

[There it is. Or, at least, the start of it. Salieri tilts his chin up a bit to look at him, still calm]

No, I can't imagine you would be thrilled about that. But it's not just about regret, is it? [he keeps his voice gentle] I not only ruined your plans, but then essentially forced your hand into doing the very thing you wanted to prevent. I can't imagine that was a pleasant experience from your end. I, at least, didn't have to directly deal with the aftermath, but you did.

Let's just say you're owed a few punches and call that fair. People were rather upset.

From them, certainly.

But you're not the violent type. It's not your style, normally. [he tilts his head, slightly]

So what am I owed from you?

Nothing.

I don't need anything from you, Antonio, really. It's fine.

It isn't, and we both know that. [it's not accusatory, just...gentle. Understanding. It's okay.]

Well, what do you want? For me to yell at you, what?

Just say it and I'll do it and we can move on.

[he's quiet, for a moment]

I don't know, to be honest. [he huffs out a small sigh]

Only...it doesn't seem fair, really. That others are allowed to be mad or angry or frustrated with you, but when it comes to the other way around...

So you want me to be angry, then.

Are you angry?

Well, that isn't what I asked, is it?

[And also not an answer.]

No, but it's what I asked. [still in that same gentle tone] And that's not an answer.

I know, but...

I'm not! [yeah bud you SOUND not angry.] Or... maybe? I don't know!

Would it be a bad thing if you were? You certainly have more than enough grounds for it.

I don't know! Maybe! Maybe I'm angry, maybe I'm not -- It doesn't matter, either way, like nothing so far has mattered, why shake things up now.

Because it should have mattered. It didn't, but it should have, so it's long past time for "should have" to be "does."

[he sucks in a breath, looks up again to meet Discord's eyes]

I wish I'd done like I should
I wish I had understood
I wish I could have seen
That I wasn't listening
Then maybe--

[he shakes his head, cutting himself off sharply, brushing that away, swallowing, pulling that all back before he accidentally spits out those last two lines, makes it all about himself again and he won't, he won't--]

...the sentiment is late; maybe too late. I don't know. But your feelings should've mattered and they didn't and that...that needs to change.

Frankly, my feelings are the one reason the whole mess happened at all... If anything, maybe they should matter a little less.

the mark of those who cannot be saved

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