curtainsdown | the mark of those who cannot be saved

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act 3

the mark of those who cannot be saved

[You remember dying. Maybe the memory is clear and bright and your body still aches from the cause. Maybe it was fast enough that you didn't feel it and don't remember what you went through. But no matter how you went out, that's no excuse for truancy! Which is to say: you are still in the school.

For those executed, you will wake up in your beds. The dormitories look exactly as they did when you first arrived, without any of the changes or personal effects you and your dormmates might have made. The only real difference is that the little cot in Ambassador isn't there.

For those who were victims, you will wake where your body was discovered. All of your injuries are gone, and you feel fine. It's almost like you're still alive - but you remember what happened to you. It couldn't have just been a dream, could it?

The school looks much as you remember it, save perhaps for a few key differences. For one, there's no groundhog murals anywhere. Where things were green on the other side, like banners or paint, you'll find that here they're blood red.

The doors, for the moment, are still locked. Looks like even death couldn't free you.]

Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5

(( ooc: Welcome to deadland, everyone! It mostly resembles the school here, and new floors will be revealed after new people die. For example, the second area will unlock after the week 3 dead arrive, and so on. Also, all dead characters will wake up at their actual canonpoint, with all lost memories restored. Have fun being dead! ))

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You tried to die because you thought it would save everyone. However, you didn't try and manipulate anyone else; you didn't try to pull them into some half-baked, desperate, idiotic plan--[there'd been disgust creeping in there, and he stops, pulling it back to neutral] ....that is to say, you didn't intend to involve anyone else. Not really. You didn't manipulate anyone into setting themself up as a target for others.

You were doing your best with a terrible situation. I not only made the situation worse, but took advantage of that tendency you have to paint a target on yourself and used it to my own ends, no matter what the intention. I manipulated you, Discord. I used you. And furthermore, it's not the first time I've done so to someone else to achieve my own ends.

Though the others might have more than enough cause to demand answers and apology of me, and though I can more than admit that I've done such harm to them, it is you whom I harmed the most. Wizard or no.

[Discord crosses his arms, leaning against the wall as Salieri talks. This should be... good, right? Communication. Getting it all out there. Salieri apologizing to him for the position he shoved him into.

It doesn't... feel good, though, and he isn't sure what about it. Maybe it's just because it all still happened. Maybe it's just, too recent? ...No, not that, either.]

...It was pretty idiotic, yes.

[Glad they can both agree on that.]

You were probably right, though. About me dying alone and it not counting. It wasn't exactly a lot more thought out.

Perhaps I was correct. But my reaction to that should not have been to propose what I did, and to drag you down with me.

You really shouldn't give yourself so much credit, Maestro. I was already pretty far down at the time.

[Salieri huffs at that, shaking his head]

That makes two of us. And yet, it is you who still shouldered that burden the whole week. I had a strong suspicion that you weren't telling me what was in that picture, and yet I didn't push for those details. I let you take that onto yourself without even offering to share it.

[his mouth presses into a line, brow furrowing]

I shouldn't have made you the bearer of my bad news in the first place. I knew--I knew that you were taking more of everyone else's negative thoughts and emotions onto yourself and I...I let you. And I shouldn't have. Those should be my responsibility, not yours. I, of all people, should have been better. [better, better] You deserve to be treated better than that. Especially by someone who claims he loves you. I have acted poorly and to your detriment, and for that, I apologize as well.

[Somehow, this... hurts. Or...

No, it's not this that hurts. There already is pain, it's just that it's getting closer to the surface now, with everything Salieri says, with every apology. And he doesn't... like it there. He'd rather it stay buried right now, just not acknowledge it, so he doesn't need to feel it.]

...Antonio. Just... stop.

I mean, really, you "of all people"? You don't get to just take all of this for yourself, you know. I also should have--

[should have been better, should have been good, should have been--]

--We're getting far too wrapped up in all this.

[Discord calls him by his given name, and it takes a lot of willpower not to flinch. He wants Discord to call him that, of course he does, but it feels...undeserved.

But Discord is once again trying to turn the conversation, to dismiss it and--]

Are we? [gently, again, and there's a touch of regret there] Because I cannot think of a single thing more that you could have done that week that you failed to do. You did everything you could with what you were given, and instead of helping you, instead of supporting you--I simply made it worse. [that last part, he says like a fact.]

You did nothing wrong, Discord. You only did your best to support the people around you--the people you love, in the best way you could, while shouldering a terrible burden.

Yes, well, perhaps I wanted to accomplish a little more than simply nothing wrong.

[It slips out, quick, before he can think better of it. Which would explain the way he tenses up right after saying it.

There it is, huh?]

[...there it is, indeed.]

...what did you want to accomplish, then?

Edited 2021-07-05 13:07 (UTC)

[It's out there, now, and it's too late to stuff it back into the box and so he just... keeps going.]

Anything at all might have been a start. I mean, I'm supposed to be infinitely powerful and the best I could manage was keeping things going for another week and taking a shot at the Wizard, which probably didn't actually do anything either.

And now here I am, where I really won't be accomplishing anything.

You took a shot at the Wizard? [wait what??? But no--not important now, Salieri, focus]

[...]

There's a merit to that--to keeping things going. Truly. For someone who has had so long with the use of Infinite Powers of Chaos and has suddenly found himself without them, you did very well indeed at keeping up the spirits of others, of helping how you could.

I hardly managed anything at all. Between this and the last times I've lost my magic-- [times. multiple. he remembers, now.] --it's pretty evident I can't do much of anything without it.

Not that I didn't try, sure, which I'm sure was oh so amusing for both the Wizard and whoever else might be pulling on his strings.

[What a joke it's all been, really. All he left behind was crying kids in the trial, letting people down, because he thought going together with Salieri was better than leaving him, because he wanted to at least try--]

Aww look, Discord's going to
Try, try, try again!
With nothing left to give
"Why not kill your love?"
"Don't need a sedative"

Try, try, try!
Like it has any cause
I'm pathetic because I try!
I tried too hard!

[this hurts. It hurts to hear Discord talk like this, but also, Salieri knows it needs to come out, that otherwise it would continue to stew, and that's what Discord's done for him, isn't it?

And now it's time to show that you're better, better, and starting now he must be better, better,]

...sometimes I've wondered if the point of this all was to intentionally make us feel helpless. That no matter what we try, the outcome will be the same, and our attempts futile. It makes one feel...

[he trails off, quiet a moment, before he sings, quietly:]

I've seen dark before
But not like this
This is cold
This is empty
This is numb
The life I knew is over
The lights are out
Hello, darkness
I'm ready to succumb

[Salieri closes his eyes a moment, exhaling, before he opens them again]

I cannot speak to whatever happened before. I can only speak to what I've seen here and...yes, you've tried. And you tried again. And even if things didn't proceed how you wanted them to; even if the outcome wasn't what you meant, you still tried to do the next right thing…

There is merit in that try, Discord. In still moving forward when there are no good choices to be found. Others may not understand that in the moment, but I see it. I understand that you're trying to help, and you need to know that that is more than enough, and that you are not pathetic for doing so, though it feels that way.

It takes such courage to keep trying even in the face of hopelessness, in this situation where the deck is stacked against us. In fact, the very fact that you're still trying--that you're still doing what you can, despite every setback, despite how the Wizard and this entire situation has held you down, speaks to a quality of character that I don't think you realize you have. A good quality.

Because these tries, these attempts...they’re not even for yourself. They're for others, because you care about them, because you want to do what you can for them in this terrible situation. Because you love them, Discord, you keep trying.

[Salieri pauses to suck in another breath, before letting out a sigh]

...there, in particular, in that situation...you did the best that you could. There were no good choices, only bad and worse ones. And you did everything you could to make the outcome a little less worse for everyone, even if that meant becoming their target again. That is far from pathetic--in fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s noble. And I…

I wish that you knew, what makes me think you’re so special…

…there are many things, truly, but that...the fact that you keep trying to help in your own way, in the way you know how, and you keep doing so despite any odds or setbacks, for the people that you care about--

That you make the choice
To be that voice
And do the next right thing.

[...It's odd, now. Like the wind has suddenly been taken out of his sails now that the walls are down. Like now that he went and let his feelings into the open, they're having trouble standing up in the face of the reassurances.

You don't know who you are
Until you hate yourself

Antonio sings, so gently, and he can't do much other than look at him. Already wishing he could rewind time just by a couple minutes, so they could forget this, just shove all those emotions back inside where they belong.

Conceal, don't feel, don't feel

But, well, too late for that now.]

[And maybe that's... not the worst thing. Maybe it's okay here, right now, with Antonio. Maybe...

When the light is running low
And the shadows start to grow
And the places that you know

Seem like fantasy

Cut away the afterglow

There's a light inside your soul

That's still shining in the cold...

Slowly shrinking in the cold...

He looks away a moment, just... staring at a random spot on the floor, do what he can to keep his composure as much as possible.

It's failing him and there's a slight tremble in his shoulders.]

[He takes a breath, closing his eyes a moment, before he manages to look up again. Feeling a little more... himself, maybe.]

Just do the next right thing
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing

[One thing at a time. One step, then another. It's harder, doing that, when you're used to being able to do anything without a shred of effort. Effort takes a lot, as it turns out. Especially here and now. But...

For the record, this can still go your way
For the record, you can keep your cool
All you have to do is stay focused on the present
Remember you're not on your own inside this school

That's the answer. Of course it is and isn't it all so blindingly obvious?

We did what we had to do
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love
What I did for love

Je t'aime.

Ti amo.

Ich liebe dich.

I love you.

And he lets out that breath. Stepping away from the wall and moving closer to Antonio, now. Just... moving to stand next to him. Leaning down a bit, so he can lean against him.]

You know you don't have to be right all the time, yes? It's very annoying.

[he's not sure what reaction to expect, really. But Discord goes quiet for a moment, looks away, and Salieri's stomach drops in something like fear. Has he gone too far again. But then he notices the tremble in his shoulders and something in Salieri's chest lurches, tightens, and it's an effort not to step forward, to go to him, to apologize again, and again, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry--

but then Discord starts to sing, quietly, and Salieri stops again, listening, feeling his throat go tight as Discord picks up the same song, the same tune, the same resolve to do the next right thing--]

[Salieri can't quiet prevent the way it feels like his heart stutters as Discord takes a step, comes closer--...I can only hope.--and leans against him. And it feels like he shouldn't quite dare to breathe; but then, that--and he can't help the small chuckle that stutters out of him, breaking whatever tension remained]

Terribly sorry. If it's any comfort, it's only most of the time. [Salieri finally releases his grip on his own wrist, letting his hands fall to his sides. And maybe kind of just...lets his pinky reach out to touch Discord's, gently]

[Discord blinks, a moment, before just huffing. Taking Salieri's hand fully.]

Only most of the time.

I think in this last situation, I actually get to be right, then, hm? I suppose I'll have to hold that over you for a while.

[Discord takes his hand, and the sense of relief, like a tension long-held, washes over him--and yet he can also hear his heart thudding in his chest as he slides his fingers between Discord's, holding on.

Salieri does sigh at that, though, dramatically, rolling his eyes]

Yes, I suppose you truly must remind me at every instance that you were right this time. [he maybe just...leans his head against Discord's shoulder]

Edited 2021-07-06 01:07 (UTC)

Oh, absolutely. Over and over again. And every other time I'm right as well, of course.

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