curtainsdown | the mark of those who cannot be saved

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act 3

the mark of those who cannot be saved

[You remember dying. Maybe the memory is clear and bright and your body still aches from the cause. Maybe it was fast enough that you didn't feel it and don't remember what you went through. But no matter how you went out, that's no excuse for truancy! Which is to say: you are still in the school.

For those executed, you will wake up in your beds. The dormitories look exactly as they did when you first arrived, without any of the changes or personal effects you and your dormmates might have made. The only real difference is that the little cot in Ambassador isn't there.

For those who were victims, you will wake where your body was discovered. All of your injuries are gone, and you feel fine. It's almost like you're still alive - but you remember what happened to you. It couldn't have just been a dream, could it?

The school looks much as you remember it, save perhaps for a few key differences. For one, there's no groundhog murals anywhere. Where things were green on the other side, like banners or paint, you'll find that here they're blood red.

The doors, for the moment, are still locked. Looks like even death couldn't free you.]

Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5

(( ooc: Welcome to deadland, everyone! It mostly resembles the school here, and new floors will be revealed after new people die. For example, the second area will unlock after the week 3 dead arrive, and so on. Also, all dead characters will wake up at their actual canonpoint, with all lost memories restored. Have fun being dead! ))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My fault for letting you have it back, then.

And then of course I did lie to you about what I was going to do. I used the situation as I saw fit, but we both know what that's like.

If you recall, I took it back. Nevertheless, considering the situation, it begs the question: Once I had the dagger back and knew of what was truly in my picture, why not simply walk away? Leave me to my own devices, if you already knew the outcome?

It would have been one less death, and still would have ensured that everyone stayed alive. Furthermore, you would not have had to endure the censure of the others the way I'm almost certain that you did.

[He's explained this to others, but... it's harder, with Salieri himself. Saying the words.]

So persistent.

Does the why of it all even matter? The votes are cast, the result is out, it's a little late to worry about it all now.

[Of course it matters.]

It's hardly the first time I've been punched or insulted since coming here, Maestro, honestly it was not that bad.

It matters because it was undeserved. [he's looking at Discord intently now] It matters because they took out their ire on you, when it should have been me. Because I forced you into that position--a position you agreed to because I insisted. I was and am at fault. I am to blame.

That should never have been on your shoulders, and even with my own decisions, it didn't have to be. You stayed with me; went along with a plan you didn't even believe in because you knew that otherwise, I would take matters into my own hands, even though it was my motive, not yours, but you--

[he breaks off, pauses, takes a breath, then--]

I always thought I might be bad,
now I'm sure that it's true,
'Cause I know you're so good,
And I'm nothing like you.

[Hearing the words he sung turned back against him almost feels like a physical blow right now.]

...Of course I stayed.

[Of course he did. Of course. How could he just leave him?]

I couldn't just let you do that by yourself.

You could have. [his voice has gentled, now] Easily, you could have, and I could name many that would have left without a second thought.

But you didn't. You didn't leave me, even though you should have, even though I was forcing you into a terrible role. As much as you tout your Lord of Chaos title, you're kind, and caring, and good. And I took advantage of that, and because of it, did you a great harm. And I'm sorry.

You didn't--

[it's fine, though, it's fine, this is what he's good at, he's great at being bad, he did it for millennia]

You really should stop apologizing.

I did. Because I knew that one of the things you do is that you set yourself up as a target for others when things are difficult. You've done it with me when I was distressed. I watched you do it with Angus. And I did nothing but help reinforce that with this, turning you into a villain for them when, in reality, that villain in this particular part of the story should've been me.

I cannot think of something that would require an apology more than that.

You died because you thought it would save everyone. Hardly anything villainous.

[Hypocrisy? From MY Discord??? It's more likely than you think!]

Really, I think the Wizard has dibs on that role already.

You tried to die because you thought it would save everyone. However, you didn't try and manipulate anyone else; you didn't try to pull them into some half-baked, desperate, idiotic plan--[there'd been disgust creeping in there, and he stops, pulling it back to neutral] ....that is to say, you didn't intend to involve anyone else. Not really. You didn't manipulate anyone into setting themself up as a target for others.

You were doing your best with a terrible situation. I not only made the situation worse, but took advantage of that tendency you have to paint a target on yourself and used it to my own ends, no matter what the intention. I manipulated you, Discord. I used you. And furthermore, it's not the first time I've done so to someone else to achieve my own ends.

Though the others might have more than enough cause to demand answers and apology of me, and though I can more than admit that I've done such harm to them, it is you whom I harmed the most. Wizard or no.

[Discord crosses his arms, leaning against the wall as Salieri talks. This should be... good, right? Communication. Getting it all out there. Salieri apologizing to him for the position he shoved him into.

It doesn't... feel good, though, and he isn't sure what about it. Maybe it's just because it all still happened. Maybe it's just, too recent? ...No, not that, either.]

...It was pretty idiotic, yes.

[Glad they can both agree on that.]

You were probably right, though. About me dying alone and it not counting. It wasn't exactly a lot more thought out.

Perhaps I was correct. But my reaction to that should not have been to propose what I did, and to drag you down with me.

You really shouldn't give yourself so much credit, Maestro. I was already pretty far down at the time.

[Salieri huffs at that, shaking his head]

That makes two of us. And yet, it is you who still shouldered that burden the whole week. I had a strong suspicion that you weren't telling me what was in that picture, and yet I didn't push for those details. I let you take that onto yourself without even offering to share it.

[his mouth presses into a line, brow furrowing]

I shouldn't have made you the bearer of my bad news in the first place. I knew--I knew that you were taking more of everyone else's negative thoughts and emotions onto yourself and I...I let you. And I shouldn't have. Those should be my responsibility, not yours. I, of all people, should have been better. [better, better] You deserve to be treated better than that. Especially by someone who claims he loves you. I have acted poorly and to your detriment, and for that, I apologize as well.

[Somehow, this... hurts. Or...

No, it's not this that hurts. There already is pain, it's just that it's getting closer to the surface now, with everything Salieri says, with every apology. And he doesn't... like it there. He'd rather it stay buried right now, just not acknowledge it, so he doesn't need to feel it.]

...Antonio. Just... stop.

I mean, really, you "of all people"? You don't get to just take all of this for yourself, you know. I also should have--

[should have been better, should have been good, should have been--]

--We're getting far too wrapped up in all this.

[Discord calls him by his given name, and it takes a lot of willpower not to flinch. He wants Discord to call him that, of course he does, but it feels...undeserved.

But Discord is once again trying to turn the conversation, to dismiss it and--]

Are we? [gently, again, and there's a touch of regret there] Because I cannot think of a single thing more that you could have done that week that you failed to do. You did everything you could with what you were given, and instead of helping you, instead of supporting you--I simply made it worse. [that last part, he says like a fact.]

You did nothing wrong, Discord. You only did your best to support the people around you--the people you love, in the best way you could, while shouldering a terrible burden.

Yes, well, perhaps I wanted to accomplish a little more than simply nothing wrong.

[It slips out, quick, before he can think better of it. Which would explain the way he tenses up right after saying it.

There it is, huh?]

[...there it is, indeed.]

...what did you want to accomplish, then?

Edited 2021-07-05 13:07 (UTC)

[It's out there, now, and it's too late to stuff it back into the box and so he just... keeps going.]

Anything at all might have been a start. I mean, I'm supposed to be infinitely powerful and the best I could manage was keeping things going for another week and taking a shot at the Wizard, which probably didn't actually do anything either.

And now here I am, where I really won't be accomplishing anything.

You took a shot at the Wizard? [wait what??? But no--not important now, Salieri, focus]

[...]

There's a merit to that--to keeping things going. Truly. For someone who has had so long with the use of Infinite Powers of Chaos and has suddenly found himself without them, you did very well indeed at keeping up the spirits of others, of helping how you could.

I hardly managed anything at all. Between this and the last times I've lost my magic-- [times. multiple. he remembers, now.] --it's pretty evident I can't do much of anything without it.

Not that I didn't try, sure, which I'm sure was oh so amusing for both the Wizard and whoever else might be pulling on his strings.

[What a joke it's all been, really. All he left behind was crying kids in the trial, letting people down, because he thought going together with Salieri was better than leaving him, because he wanted to at least try--]

Aww look, Discord's going to
Try, try, try again!
With nothing left to give
"Why not kill your love?"
"Don't need a sedative"

Try, try, try!
Like it has any cause
I'm pathetic because I try!
I tried too hard!

[this hurts. It hurts to hear Discord talk like this, but also, Salieri knows it needs to come out, that otherwise it would continue to stew, and that's what Discord's done for him, isn't it?

And now it's time to show that you're better, better, and starting now he must be better, better,]

...sometimes I've wondered if the point of this all was to intentionally make us feel helpless. That no matter what we try, the outcome will be the same, and our attempts futile. It makes one feel...

[he trails off, quiet a moment, before he sings, quietly:]

I've seen dark before
But not like this
This is cold
This is empty
This is numb
The life I knew is over
The lights are out
Hello, darkness
I'm ready to succumb

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